Studying

 "I just want a day for myself - a day to choose what to do."

I said those words out loud today. With a medical terminology paper, speech, and exam due in a few days, any time I am not working, I feel the gravity of school pulling at me, ruining any attempts to relax.

And I just want to be free of this pulling on me. :)

I want time for self-care - the type of self-care that comes from pouring out & making others happy & feeling like I have a purpose. The type of peace that comes from dwelling with Jesus & loving others.

I want to have the time to do the things I want to do - to serve my husband better, and serve my Lord better by improving my skills and having time to pour out and spend time pouring into others. I dream of growing in hospitality and love and generosity. But, I don't have time - because come next week, if my paper isn't done, there is no second chance.

But, today, I am realizing this unexpected truth: I am doing this for me. I am doing school for me, for my husband and for my God. I am improving my life skills and preparing for a life of serving others. Right now, is part of learning generosity, love, and hospitality. This is a day for me - a day of improving & growing myself in ways that I yearn to grow.

So, school is for me. Those other things that I want to do, school is helping prepare me for those things. This current schooling is part of practicing hospitality, love and generosity. In future jobs, in future ministry opportunities, medical terminology is going to aid me in loving others, helping others, and giving them my time and life in generosity.

There are present situations that school is taking away from right now. But now is not forever and these dreams in my heart need not die - only be fed and seen as part of this season of preparation which will one day come to reality.