Currently Reading: Quiet

I've always known that I am an introvert.

However, through nursing school, my introverted tendencies have become more clear. I have one professor in particular who is always challenging me to "come out of my shell" and "have confidence" in my knowledge and abilities. However, I really value being genuine and not pretending to be someone that I am not - (i.e. talkative and outgoing).  I really value one on one interactions - that has always been my favorite setting for conversations. I really dislike being the center of attention and would much rather listen than speak in a group of people. Sometimes, I have felt that to be a good nurse and leader I can't be an introvert.

This book discusses the way our culture seems to value extroversion over introversion -

"We perceive talkers as smarter than quieter types - even though grade-point averages and SAT and intelligence test scores reveal this perception to be inaccurate. In one experiment in which two strangers met over the phone, those who spoke more were considered more intelligent, better looking, and more likable. We also see talkers as leaders. The more a person talks, the more other group members direct their attention to him, which means that he becomes increasingly powerful..." (pg 51)


This book has not at all made me value extroverts less, but instead to value myself and other introverts more. Instead of seeing introverts as lesser or inferior to extroverts, it has helped me just understand the dynamics of personality and leadership more. :)

"The evangelical culture ties together faithfulness with extroversion' McHugh explained. 'The emphasis is on community, on participating in more and more programs and events, on meeting more and more people. It's a constant tension for many introverts that they're not living that out.'... But, ironically, if there was one thing McHugh knew, it was that he wasn't alone. He looked around and saw a vast number of people in the evangelical community who felt just as conflicted as he did....(he) worked with a team of student leaders at Claremont College, many of whom were introverts. The team became a kind of laboratory for experimenting with introverted forms of leadership and ministry. They focused on one-on-one and small group interactions rather than on large groups, and McHugh helped the students find rhythms in their lives that allowed them to claim the solitude they needed and enjoyed, and to have the social energy left over for leading others." (pg 66) 

"...if solitude is an important key to creativity - than we might all want to develop a taste for it. We'd want to teach our kids to work independently. We'd want to give employees plenty of privacy and autonomy. Yet increasingly we do just the opposite." (pg 75) 

"Sometimes speakers need to talk about subjects that don't interest them much, especially at work. I believe this is harder for introverts, who have trouble projecting artificial enthusiasm. But there's a hidden advantage to this inflexibility: it can motivate us to make tough but worthwhile career changes if we find ourselves compelled to speak too often about topics that leave us cold. There is no one more courageous than the person who speaks with the courage of his convictions." (pg 129) 

"In most settings, people use small talk as a way of relaxing into a new relationship, and only once they're comfortable do they connect more seriously. Sensitive people seem to do the reverse. 'They enjoy small talk only after they've gone deep.'" (pg 152) 

"Introverts are capable of acting like extroverts for the sake of work they consider important, people they love, or anything they value highly." (pg 209) 

"Anyone can be a great negotiator....in fact it often pays to be quiet and gracious, to listen more than talk, and to have an instinct for harmony rather than conflict. With this style, you can take aggressive positions without inflaming your counterpart's ego. And by listening, you can learn what's truly motivating the person you're negotiating with and come up with creative solutions that satisfy both parties." (pg 216) 

** I definitely do not agree with everything in this book & it has some very secular perspectives.**