Thoughts on COVID19

Sometimes it seems like the nurses around me were just born nurses. I mean, how could they have ever felt as clueless as I do right now?
 Did they ever not know what to do when they looked at the results of their patient's blood gasses?
Did they ever have no idea what class of medication hydralazine is in?
Did they ever feel like crying when they had a patient yell at them for the first time?

They seem so confident - in their natural element
like they could administer IVs in their sleep,
like they can read a patient as soon as they lay eyes on them,
like they can be totally understanding to the patient who is screaming at them.

I once heard someone describe completing nursing school to having a baby. They said that when you are pregnant with your first and approaching delivery, that you look at other women who have given birth and think, "How did they give birth and come out the other side OK? How have all these women done THIS?"  That is how I feel when I look at other nurses, "How did they survive nursing school? How did they actually get to where they are?? Were they ever as clueless as I am?" 

Nursing is such a mixture of compassion and knowledge. It is having the mind of a detective (noticing everything, assessing everything, questioning everything) and the heart of a mother (comforting, encouraging, having patience despite the actions of the patient, wanting the best for the patient). 

This week during clinical, I was helping hang an IV bag when I overheard the priest counseling the patient in the next bed over. He said, "You are a patient - that is the very embodiment of patience!" I thought it was cute and so appropriate. Patients do a lot of waiting - for a test result, for someone to answer their call light, for the medication to kick in, for their lunch to be delivered. It reminded me to see the situation from their perspective. While I am running around trying to get everything done on time and feeling totally inadequate for the job, they are sitting there waiting.

So, one foot in front of the other! I want to be a good nurse for my patients and I'm trusting that somehow I will make it to the finish line of graduation.

 Week five of the semester this week. :)